Embarassment
by chicisme10
Summary: Tris Prior suffers from anxiety. She's shy, awkward, and has zero friends. She is abused by her brother, but no one seems to notice. Her parents don't understand why she's so closed off. Then enter Tobias the most handsome, brooding, bad boy in school, along with his loud, fun, and popular friends, Tris just might be able to escape her brother's grip.
1. Chapter 1

Tris POV

"Beatrice why don't you go to youth group gathering," my mom says over dinner. My father looks at me hopefully. All the attention makes me uncomfortable and squirm in my seat and stop chewing on my potatoes.

I quickly shake my head no. I hate it when they try to get me to be social, knowing I have lots of problems with social situations.

I know they don't say it but I know my parents think I'm disappointing. I have always been shy, awkward, quiet, and all around not extraordinary. Unlike my brother who is a total extrovert. Funny, handsome, athletic, and a total asshole to me.

He always saw me as an easy target. He would tease me, say awful things to me which caused me to develop a lot of the anxieties I have. But my parents have never noticed the malice in his seemingly harmless comments, his glares of disgust he throws at me whenever I speak. Now I mostly just keep my mouth shut.

"Why not sweetie," my mom says trying to hide her frustration. I part my lips to speak then I catch a glimpse of my brother's malicious stare and my mouth goes dry.

"I-I just don't want to," I look down at my lap. My mom bits the inside of her cheek.

"Beatrice I can't understand why you can't just get over yourself and do something you don't want to," my mom says and picks her plate up and storms into the kitchen followed by my dad. My brother smirks at me.

"Yeah Beatrice get over yourself," Caleb snickers. I sigh shakily before getting up and going to my room.

I close my room and swallow the lump in my throat that is always there after dinner.

I over to my desk and continue cutting out pictures related to Travis Scott. There my favorite band and I want to work up the courage to go to one of his concerts.

I was murmuring Apple Pie while cutting out a picture of the album Rodeo, when I look over on my floor at some socks that aren't mine. They're my mom's so being in a slightly better mood since dinner I pick them up and go to put them in my parents room.

I get to the door and I get ready to open it when I hear my mom's voice," I just don't understand why she can't just be like Caleb?,"

"I don't know Natalie l think we should get her a therapist or someone to help support her," my dad suggest.

"No there's nothing wrong with Beatrice she's just selfish," my mom insists.

Nothing's wrong with me? Is she a moron?

I've barely spoken to anyone since I was ten, I am completely lonely, I have ZERO friends, I'm socially awkward, my brother tortures me mentally. But nothing's wrong with me.

Is she blind?

I go back to my room and continue my cutting. I have to stop in the middle of my cutting because my mom's words keep swirling in my head and my anxiety starts bubbling up and my hands start to shake.

I take a deep breath and feel the lump in my throat and the pain in my chest. I go curl up in my bed and cry myself to sleep.

PAGE BREAK~

In the morning after we eat breakfast my brother drives us to school. As we pull up to the school my chest feels weighed down a little.

We park and my brother turns to me and says cruel tone," maybe you'll make your first friend today,"

He gets out while i swallow my tears. After a second I get out and start for the front of the school.

I walk past people with their friends, boyfriends, or people who are just walking along not paying much attention to anything.

I wonder how many of them are as anxious about being here as I am. My heart clenches and my hand shakes as I pull the door open.

I make my way to my first period slowly lingering in the hallway before slipping inside my first hour. I sit at the back corner and put my head down on the desk.

I slowly breathe to bring my heart rate down to a normal level. Soon students pour in and they take their seats.

I wonder if they even know that I exist. I feel completely invisible, but I don't really mind it I'd rather no one talk to me than have to converse with a stranger.

Soon class is over and I walk with my head down in the hallway to my next class. That class is the same I sit in the corner and disappear.

Soon lunch rolls around and my chest constricts. I hate going to lunch, I hate the people the noise, sitting alone. The funny thing is that I am anxious about eating alone but I'm anxious about eating with someone. One of the side effects of anxiety, you're not very rational.

After I get my plate I look around at the tables,the jocks talking sports and who's tits they saw over the weekend, wannabes flipping their hair and smoothing their blowouts, nerds doing homework, douche bags laughing and harassing the nerds, cheerleaders seeing who's stomach looks flatter in their crop tops, stoners crushing up marijuana in their mashed potatoes, sex crazed freaks making out and fingering each other under the table. A typical lunch hour at my school.

I find one empty table and sigh in relief. I sit down and start eating my potatoes.

I must have been lost in thought because soon a voice knocks me back to reality,"um you're at our table,"

How could I forget, the popular kids, the top of the popularity scale, the most handsome and beautiful Roth High has to offer. The ones you want to be but you can't because you're simply not them.

I gulp as my heart rate spikes,"I-I'm sorry I didn't realize,"

I gather my things quickly and walk off towards the courtyard. I rush outside and sit against the wall.

My heart is still fluttering. I swallow and close my eyes.

How could I not have realized that it was the popular table? Stupid stupid stupid, pay attention Beatrice!

I sit against the wall of the courtyard for the rest of lunch not daring to move in fear that maybe someone will come out and mock me for sitting at the popular table.

When the bell rings I toss my tray away and head to my next class.

By the time the day is over I'm just ready to go home. I meet Caleb by the entrance of the school.

I wait patiently by the door for him to finish talking to one of his friends. I look around at the kids being picked up by parents, others hanging around, some trying to leave in their cars.

I happen to catch a glimpse of the populars. I see one of them, Thomas, Toby, I don't remember. He's quite handsome, I think for a second before Caleb comes over distracting me.

"Wow you got it through the day without a panic attack, great job Beatrice," My brother tells me while smirking maliciously. He pats my back harder than needed before walking off.

I take a deep breath and follow him thinking about lunch repeating Caleb in my head, "great job Beatrice"

 **A/N: Wow I haven't written in a long time, I forgot how relaxing it is. So I deleted two of my stories because I'm dedicating myself to this story only so sorry if you were reading it…**

 **But review please tell me what you think. I really turned this story's Tris into someone I feel like can really be related to in different ways including to myself as I used to have anxiety and I just poured it into Tris and the life I created for her.**


	2. Chapter 2

Tris POV

"Stop breathing," My brother whispers in my ear as we sit at the table our parents distracted talking about some adult stuff.

He always says things like that to me whenever no one is looking. Something like, "kill yourself," "God you're hideous" "Fucking waste of space". Or the ones that are said just to embarrass me "Why don't you hang out with your friends….oh wait" "there's someone here at the door for you Tris" "Oh did you get a text? Oh wait who would text you, no one cares about you".

I hate it, I hate Caleb, he uses my anxiety to his advantage he knows I won't speak up for myself because I have trouble forming words when I speak to people, I can barely make a phone call without stuttering or my throat getting dry and my words getting caught in my throat.

I'm so pathetic, I wish I could be normal, I wish I could be like regular people and not have Caleb or this damn anxiety.

"Tris why don't you go to the Christmas party at the neighbors with us this weekend?" My mom ask suddenly. She looks at me with a forced look, Like she's saying 'you're coming whether you want to or not'.

"I-I guess," great, I don't want to go, I don't like parties. I just want to sit in my room listen to music and eat food. By. Myself.

"Great it will be good to get you out of the house," My mom smiles satisfied with herself.

Bitch.

My dad changes the subject and my brother smirks at me. He probably told mom to force me to go just so he can see me squirm in a social situation.

I don't even eat the rest of my dinner because I start to feel nauseous. Thinking about the party makes me sick and I don't want to go at all. Thinking about all the people there makes me nervous I just want to crawl into my bed and hide under the sheets for the rest of the week.

Later on I get out of the shower with my towel wrapped around me and I feel someone staring at me, I feel a presence in the bathroom. I turn around quickly and to find Caleb by the door of the bathroom, with this stare I've never seen him have.

This is not one of the disgusted glares this is something else. Something worse. Something evil.

"W-W-What are you d-doing C-Caleb? I was in the s-shower," I stutter frightened.

Caleb takes steps toward me my usual instinct is to back away but I can't move I feel like I'm in a dream, a nightmare.

Caleb gets very close to be invading my personal space, I grip my towel so tight I feel like I'm putting a hole in it.

What is Caleb doing, what does he want?

He looks me up and down with a strange look on his face, "hm I wonder how much you've changed since we used to take baths together," before I can even react he rips my towel off of me it scrapes my skin harshly. I let out a scream/squeal and rush to cover myself.

What the hell is he doing? I thought he just liked to call me names I didn't know he was like this! I start to cry and my breathing speeds up.

"Hmm you have changed a bit, skinny bitch, who would want that, you look white as paste," he spits at me. I look down embarrassed my face beet red.

I pick my towel up and shield my nakedness. Caleb shakes his head in disgust and walks out.

I shiver as the draft blows over my backside. I look at myself in the mirror before looking away quickly embarrassed to look at myself.

Caleb's right I'm white as paste, skin and bones. Nobody wants that.

PAGE BREAK~

The next day I get up and dress quickly in the usual jeans, sweatshirt, vans. Not even bothering to look in the mirror or comb my hair which looks like a semi dry rat's nest.

I don't really care about how I look who's to impress? My locker?

I run downstairs with my book sack and pick up some bacon and hash browns my mom left.

I spot Caleb smirking in the corner of my eye and I shiver. He's so evil.

"I love your hair Tris," Caleb taunts and I gulp and try to ignore him.

Soon he's driving me to school and I try to sink as far back into the car seat as I can in hopes of disappearing.

Sadly I'm didn't disappear and Caleb has parked the car.

I look out the window to the gates of hell or the school front courtyard, term is interchangeable.

I get out of the car and make my usual trek to the building. I pass by all the students until I get to the door.

Just get through the day Tris.

PAGE BREAK~

"Okay class we will be partnering up for the rest of the year to work in labs, I've picked out partners for you and there will be no trading partners," Mrs. Fitz says picking up her clipboard.

"So everyone stand up," we all gather our items and stand up by our tables.

"We're starting from the front row by the door onto the back," she declares.

"Bailey and Asia,"

"Mona and Natalie,"

"Talia and Preston,"

"Skylar and Lilly,"

Uriah and Marlene

"Tobias and Beatrice-"

Tobias, that's that popular kid who I was thinking about yesterday. He's so handsome.

Shut up Tris, remember 'Nobody wants that'.

My mood changes when I think of last night. Why did he do that I thought he was going to rape me or touch me. He just loves humiliating me.

"Okay everyone get with your partners," the teacher orders.

I walk over to my new desk. I see Tobias already there. I wonder if he is disappointed with his lab partner.

"Hello Beatrice," he says in low grumbly husky man voice. Jesus Christ he has a gorgeous voice.

"Hi," I mutter shyly. He smirks at me and I flush.

Later we work together on our lab. Well, I worked and he just kinda sat there watching me.

He makes my nerves stand on end. It's not like my usual anxiety, it feels strange.

Soon it's time for lunch and I drag slowly behind all the other students being the only one who doesn't want to go.

As I walk down the hall I take a stop at my locker to waste time. As I fiddle with my books I watch in envy of the other kid's carefreeness while going to the cafeteria knowing I can't do that.

I shut my locker and go upstairs and go to the library. I walk in and take a seat at a table near the window.

I wish I could go to lunch.

 **A/N: you like?**


	3. Chapter 3

Tris POV

"Bea, baby," my mom sing songs as she pokes her head in my room, "time to get ready for the party,"

Fuck me.

I bury myself in my sheets more. I'm not ready mentally to go. I tried to wrap myself in sheets and get used to the idea of going and I'm still not ready.

My mom starts pulling out clothes for me to wear, "get up Beatrice,"

"Please don't make me go," I beg her.

"Beatrice," she says in a 'I've had it' tone,"you are not sitting here alone, you need to get over yourself. Caleb's never has problems going anywhere, no one does but you,"

Deep hatred settles in my stomach. Don't you get it, I need help you dumb bitch! I wish she would stop and open her eyes for just a second.

I glare at my sheets tears prickling in my eyes,"I'm not going,"

My mother glares at me angrily,"Beatrice you can't sit in your room your whole life. When are going to get over this it's not...I don't get it,"

"Well I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted!," I yell at her for the first time in my life. I sit wide eyed at my mother who looks at me shocked.

"Fine Beatrice stay at home but next time you're going," My mom says before leaving my room.

I start crying. I hate this so much. I wish I could go places without feeling this way. I feel trapped by it.

I bury myself back into the covers and try to fall asleep.

PAGE BREAK~

I next morning I wake up and head downstairs to the kitchen to get some food.

As I pour my cereal my mom says,"the party was great Beatrice. You should have come,"

I grip the box tighter and suck in a break,"t-that's great," I mutter.

"The Eaton's wondered where you were," she goes on. Does she have to do this I already feel shitty.

I sit at the table and eat my cereal slowly avoiding eye contact with anyone.

I finish and rush upstairs. I turn on some music and lie on my bed with my phone. I take my phone and scroll for a while looking at Instagram videos.

After a while my mom comes into my room and demands I go to the store with her. I roll my eyes.

As long as I don't have to talk to anyone. I roll out of bed and brush my teeth and my hair. I pull on Nike shorts and a large tee shirt with my slip on vans.

I thump down the stairs begrudgingly. My mom looks at me weird.

"Are you wearing pants?," nope I decided to go out with just a shirt on. Really bitch?

I lift my shirt to show my shorts. We walk out of the house and onto our car.

I slump in my seat and frown. I want to sleep.

My mom looks over at me at sighs,"would you feel better if I let you control the radio,"

I give a small devilish smile. My mom rarely lets me have the aux cord because all I play is Travis Scott, Drake, and Future, which is not exactly my mom's speed.

I scroll through my playlist and press play on my new favorites,

 _Panda, Panda, Panda, Panda, Panda  
Panda, Panda...  
I got broads in Atlanta_

People would most likely be surprised that I listen to rap so heavily. Since you know I'm a short, scrawny, white girl.

All the way to the store I blast music and belt the lyrics, curse words and all. One thing about music is that it brings out another side of me, one that isn't shy or held down by my brother.

My mom stops the car and pulls the keys out stopping the music in the middle of Uber Everywhere.

I frown at my mom and get out of the car. We walk into the store me pushing the basket for my mom. I spend most of the time scrolling on my phone and going to fetch things for my mom.

"Hi!," I hear my mom say excitedly. I look up and I see Tobias, my lab partner and a man with him I'm assuming his dad.

"Hi Nat!," the man pats my mom on the shoulder. I raise an eyebrow, who is this?

"Beatrice this is Mr. Eaton," my mom introduces. I shake the man's hand awkwardly.

"We missed you last night,"

God does everyone have to remind me that I'm socially pathetic.

My mom makes chit chat with the man for a while and I watch Tobias. He's really quiet and he doesn't make eye contact with anyone. This is different from the cocky fuckboy persona he has at school.

I guess everyone is different on the weekend.

PAGE BREAK~

I stand at the counter in the kitchen at three in the morning, waiting for my hot pocket to finish in the microwave. I'm trying to be as quiet as possible and I watch the countdown on the microwave closely waiting for the last numbers.

Here it goes, 6,5,4,3,2,1-

I quick as lightning stop the time before it beeps and wakes up everyone. I tip toe across the tile to the hardwood and to the couch.

I get comfortable and turn on the tv and turn the volume down just enough to where I can hear it.

I turn to a Golden Girls marathon while I take a bite of my hot pocket. Mmm diabetes taste best late at night.

I am used to staying up at ungodly hours. Since my anxiety has gotten worse in the last few years I have had trouble sleeping. Most of the time I take sleeping pills but if I don't I only get about two hours of sleep, which I know is so unhealthy and my tired eyes are a constant reminder.

I just can't fall asleep when I'm left with just me and my own thoughts my anxiety builds as my mind wanders. I think that's why I always listen to music it allows me to not have to listen to my own thoughts.

"Bea, baby girl, why are you up?,"my dad comes down the stairs in his robe and slip.

"I couldn't sleep," I say as I put my plate on the coffee table.

"Come on get in the bed, it almost four in the morning," my dad says. I huff like a little kid and march up the stairs.

I make it to my door and say goodnight before going in my room and crawling under my covers in a bawl.

It's another hour before I go to sleep.

 **A/N: it been forever since I updated I'm sorry but school, just school is really keeping me busy and I'm trying to finish strong and pass my AP test.**

 **I don't know when the next update is it will be here when I get to it.**


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